Cycling tip du jour, Tuesday. How to arrive at a set of traffic lights.

This is kind of light-hearted but I suspect there's more than a grain of truth in it.

First of all, ask yourself: are you a slow, medium or fast cyclist? Are you expecting to pull away from the lights quickly or slowly?

If you are in the medium or slow category, and there's a fellow cyclist ahead of you waiting at a light - and he or she looks like they might be quick - don't edge in front of them. They were there first and will be annoyed at having to get around you.

Now of course it's not a hard and fast rule, and you can't judge a book by its cover. Someone wearing lycra head to toe might still be slow. And what if you're medium and the other person looks medium too? Or both slow?

But anyway, it is worth thinking about. And there's a serious point too - if someone is having to pull around you, they may be in the path of a car coming from behind.

I would also add:

- don't try to sneak down beside a bus or lorry, especially if you don't know how soon the lights will change
- it's generally polite not to hover right in front of a motorbike, especially if there's room elsewhere for you

The majority now ignore a red light. But should we hold on to the principle?

I was struck on my journey in this morning that unless there's a dangerous situation, the norm is now for people (cyclists, that is) in London to go through red lights. Cyclists do stop if they're going to get run over by traffic coming the other way - but when it's merely a matter of principle, we/they chose to run it. I know it's a pretty boring debate, well-rehearsed, but I was struck by it at these lights, and (you guessed it) I have a bit of video to show what I mean. Cue very badly edited, amateur shots with lots of traffic noise. For those interested in such matters, I'm heading West along Theobold's Road, coming up to Gray's Inn Road, WC1. I'm sorry if I sound like a prude - but I did just find it interesting to see that so many jumped these lights.

What annoys a noisy oyster most?

This was an old joke from my childhood.  It goes like this:

"What annoys a noisy oyster most?"

Answer: "A noisy noise annoys a noisy oyster most".

Obviously you have to say it out loud for it to have any impact. And while we're on these kind of jokes, did you ever do the one about the most number of the same words in a row? OK, here it goes. Imagine the unlikely scenario that there are two boys in a class, one called "Had" and one called "Had Had" and both had submitted grammer excercises.  Here goes:

"Had, while Had Had had had "had", had had "had had". "Had had" had had the teacher's approval."

Anyway - that's all a rather irritating, no doubt, preamble to me getting a couple of cycling things off my chest. Having been not biking for a couple of weeks, when I came back I was looking at the activity with fresh eyes. I was feeling very positive about it.  And it surprised me somewhat to discover the things which started irritating me quickest.  The two biggest and most immediate horrors were:

1) Motorists not indicating
2) Cars and motorbikes stopping at lights in "our" green box

I found myself getting very quickly annoyed, in spite of being in a fairly benign state. I know we all have whinges about cycling, but I think those are now top of my whinges.

So that's what annoys a noisy cyclist most. I suppose we should also be outward looking - I wonder what the top whinges for motorists are in their dealings with cyclists?

Note to self - why do I keep talking about "motorists" like I'm in some PG Wodehouse novel? I'm pretty sure this century we call them "cars".

Slow down the pace little darling ...

I think that's the Gregory Isaacs classic, is it not? Sometimes you've got to do that on your bike too. I was feeling pretty full of cold, a bit low, and took the tube a few times. Then yesterday and today I've been doing shorter rides at a very moderate pace and it's been great! I don't know about the rest of you, but I have an inbuilt need to push myself as far as I can - trying to build up speed, get past people, and yes, I admit it, outpace other cyclists (sometimes).

Proof that Gregory Isaacs has been near a bike - but it's not

clear if "slow down the pace" is about cycling

So how nice to deliberately slow down the pace, travel behind people and stay behind them, not really even break a sweat. I'm getting ready to jump on my bike soon, and I'm really looking foward to taking it slow. But I still promise not to position myself right in front of someone at a traffic lights who looks much faster than me ... (see previous entries)

What's the opposite of a speeding ticket?

I was looking at the ING initiative, where they reward people for "random acts of kindness" and video a few staged events - e.g. someone helping a person who's lost etc and the kind person gets a party etc etc.

http://www.savingfeelsgood.co.uk/video-holding.htm

It's all a bit worthy, arguably, but I like the principle. And I was wondering - what if police handed out tickets to drivers/cyclists etc who were driving particularly WELL? And instead of being fined, you actually got £50 or something in your bank? This could apply to cyclists who take the trouble of walking with their bike on the pavement, or even those who bother to stop at a red traffic light ...

Clearly it will never catch on, but I like the idea of it.

Sometimes you have bad traffic light days, and other times they actively conspire against you ...

Today felt very much like there was a little man sitting in front of 500 screens showing all the traffic lights in London, pressing buttons with a gleeful grin making sure that my journey would be hampered to the full. My worst stretch (and I would strongly recommend never biking down this bit) was going down Praed Street (W2) approaching Paddington Station. It really is a nightmare there with several sets of lights which all take simply ages to turn. On top of that, it's a really dangerous street for buses and lorries turning here and there. Overall, my karma rating for this area is: just say no.

Traffic lights etiquette

Here's a situation where I find it difficult to keep my sense of good karma. You pull up to at a red traffic light to wait patiently for it to turn green. Another cyclist - and usually someone who is going at a very leisurely pace - pulls in right in front of you. Sure enough, when the light goes green, they amble through, blocking you as you try to get away with a slightly greater sense of urgency. What is it that stops people realising that they may be blocking their fellow cyclists? I'm quite happy for someone to go ahead of me if they believe they have a fair chance of going quicker ... but this. Still, if I'm to stick by my own rules, I have to quietly grin and bear it and say "good karma will come my way" ...